Dearest Self, with love from a now third time mum.
Dearest Self,
Congratulations. You are a Mama! I’m over the moon for you and welcome to the world baby Lyla. But Girl, it’s a wild ride, right?
Let me start by asking, how are you feeling today? I only ask about 'today' because each day with a sparkly new baby, and as a brand new Mama, can be worlds apart.
To me, there is nothing more primal than childbirth and becoming a mother, but the transition is massive – the shedding of your pre-baby self and embracing the new version of you is the most monumental shift that will happen in your adult life. And now I have to ask, are you being kind to yourself?
Knowing you, I bet you’re beating yourself up about the birth, aren’t you? I know it wasn’t what the books said it would be like. First and most important lesson of being a Mama right there – let go of expectations. There was no riding the waves of your contractions with calm and control. You lost control. There was no birth playlist or scented candles. I know it was long. I know you had to work harder than ever before, that you endured more pain than you thought you could handle. You probably feel traumatised right now. That’s okay, acknowledge the pain, the lack of control and the trauma – I’d love to help you reframe it if I can?
Becoming a mother for the first time is something so groundbreakingly life-changing, so intensely physical and demanding, a new role in life now so permanent, a love and bond that is never-ending.
It makes perfect sense that you had to fight so hard for it. But lady, you did it, and now she is here, and she is beautiful. If you have more babies (which you will), each birth will be wildly different. There is no greater mountain to climb than your first. Honour your body and what it has achieved. Your body is amazing. It housed, fed and grew a human and then you managed to bring that little soul into this world. And now, she is yours, and you are hers, forever.
I want to also check in about the sleep, the feeding and your recovery? I know this is terribly challenging and it seems as though every other mama has gotten into a rhythm except you. So, repeat after me, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Another important lesson in life and motherhood. There is always going to be one friend’s baby that will sleep through the night, another friend that will have more milk than a dairy farm and the other will look like she never even had a baby before she leaves the hospital. But I promise you this, not one of them has it all, so please stop comparing, and embrace where you are at now with your baby and your body. Remember everything is just a phase, the good and the bad – this too shall pass.
Please hear me when I say: Do less. Way less. Drink more water. Watch reruns of Sex and the City all night while cluster feeding. And shower. Daily. It always makes you feel human again. Walk. Let others cook nourishing foods for you. Dedicate 10 minutes a day to simple breathing exercises that help reactivate and heal your deep core. And book in to see a women’s health physiotherapist at around 6 weeks post birth to have your abdominal wall and pelvic floor assessed. Trust me on this. I’m a Pilates instructor.
And finally, my dear new mama, when you put your bub down for the first time in lord knows how many hours and you’re rushing to go to the loo, I kindly urge you to slow down, hinge forward and please just take your time. Nothing good comes from doing anything that fast.
Enjoy this special time with baby Lyla.
Love,
Ali
Words by Ali Handley.
@bodylove.mamas